Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Teens, Take Heart

A judge on So You Think You Can Dance just said, "You danced it good."

Shame, shame, shame.

Beth's grammar - 2
Grammar of the Judge - 0

Still shaking my head.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Feeling Grammatically Superior

It happened again yesterday. There I was, minding my own business, waiting in line at Chipotle and envisioning the monstrous burrito I would soon be stuffing into my mouth, when I heard a phrase most foul.

“Yeah,” said a skinny teenage girl talking to a guy I can only assume was her boyfriend. I deduced this based on the way his hands were placed on her backside. “I’m doing good. You?”

“Good,” the boyfriend replied patting her . . . heinie.

I cringed and clenched my jaw. I didn’t give a lick about the public display of affection because I work in a high school and have seen far, far worse. But to my ears, this offense was inexcusable. Under my breath, so soft that I was sure they would not hear me because I’m a big chicken and hate uncomfortable encounters, I muttered, “Well.”

What I wanted to do was turn around, tap them on the shoulder an give them a ten (ok, twenty) minute English lesson on proper use of the words ‘good’ and ‘well’. I was fairly sure there were lingering grammar handouts from last year in my car which would be most beneficial. Or, I could grab a Chipotle napkin and write out some simple examples like:

1. Burritos are good.
2. I am feeling well.
3. Patting your girlfriend on the tooshie can feel good.
4. The boyfriend would not be doing well if the girls’ father saw him touching her.

Instead of embarrassing them, I tried to ignore the many grammar errors ensconced in their conversation and concentrated on whether I should add guacamole to my burrito for an extra ninety-nine cents.

I suppose putting up with the improper grammar of others is a burden English teachers and writers shoulder. At least it didn’t ruin my appetite.

And I did get guacamole. On the side.

Beth's Grammar - 1
Teenager's Grammar - 0

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Feels Like First

Holy Cow. I won third place in a writing contest on the Clarity of Night blog. I'm stunned.

And yes, I jumped up and down like a spazz when I found out. Big surprise.

I don't think I'm allowed to post my entry here, and my pathetic attempt to link to the sight failed miserably, so here is the website:

And don't just read mine. Many of them are excellent reads.

Beth - 1

No contest here.

Monday, July 20, 2009

Starburst Update

She's running around the house with a broom between her legs pretending to be the Wicked Witch of the West. It has been three hours since the candy consumption.

Damn the makers of Starburst.

Beth - 0 (shame on me)
Jillian - ? (she's still on the sugar high)


My daughter ate an entire pack of Starburst candy today. The makers finally got something right and created a pack composed entirely of the red and pink flavors! It took everything in my power to stay away from her package. I can't say the same for my napping son's pack of Starburst, however.

Many might shake their head at my actions. Shame on me for letting her have it. But it was either that or prolong the madness for several days. I prefer to suffer the consequences all at once.

About one hour after she finished the candy, she began a five-year-old version of kung-fu fighting, announcing that she could go off to war and fight. The attack commenced against my husband and me, complete with hi-ya sound effects.

Ten minutes after playing war she ran back and forth from the living room to the kitchen about 30 times.

Still not tired after racing, she jumped on the back of the couch and tackled me from behind, begging for more Starbursts like a weed addict would beg for a dime bag.

I swear the candy makers slip something in their products that targets children. The candy just made me tired.

Jillian - 1 Candy - 10

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Contests - Friend or Foe?

On Wednesday, I entered a short story contest. It was on the Clarity of Night blog. Don't ask me to link it. I'm HTML illiterate.

I needed to write a short story in less than 250 words. I prepared for at least three weeks and wrote a semi-non-fiction account of my grandfather in the nursing home. I loved this piece of writing.

So, you can imagine my dismay when I submitted the entry on the second day and it wasn't posted.

To be fair, the blog kept mentioning that, say, there were 40 entries and 25 had been posted. I was under the impression that the blogger specifically chose the qualified entries that were good enough. But the posted entries seemed on the same level as mine, so I couldn't figure out why mine hadn't made the cut.

Ok, lets be honest. It was more than mere curiosity. I agonized. I worried. I tore my freaking hair out. I even came close to crying on more than one occasion, which I'm not proud of but couldn't help. How in the world had my entry not made the cut? I am so very critical of myself, and even I thought it deserved to be posted. To those who know me, that says a great deal.

For four days, I fretted over this. Finally, after almost deleting the blog from my favorites, I decided to investigate. I read the comments section

As it turns out, Jason Evans posts every entry, but never received mine. Totally fair. Totally rational. Jason is really a nice guy.

You can imagine how stupid I feel. It is really, toilet paper stuck to the bottom of your shoe, food on your upper lip kind of stupid. But the relief is unimaginable.

Beth - um, 1? Contest - way more than one. The entries are amazing.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

"A Giant Among Men"

This is the video on Youtube my husband wrote and directed. He is a genius. And he is really hot.

I also make my film debut as Pete's girlfriend.