Sunday, October 25, 2009

Curse of the Swine

It's true - Last week, I had the swine flu. (Ha ha, that rhymes)

Little did I know, however, that having the swine flu is the equivalent of wearing a large, scarlet letter 'A' on one's chest. Except in this case it might be the letter 'S'. . . .

The flu was, well, the flu. I had a much milder form than my children. There was no fever - just a cough, stuffy nose and one day of the chills. While uncomfortable, it was not unbearable. But based on the way people reacted to the news, you would think I had leprosy. For example:

1. My doctor wouldn't even let me pay on the way out. They literally shoved me out the door and promised to bill me.
2. Our wonderfully kind neighbors brought us dinner one night. I can't even begin to say how touched I am by their gesture. But I must laugh at how far away from me they stood when they dropped off the food. And they made me swear I would keep the Tupperware and not return it.
3. The teacher with whom I shared a cube vacated and found another empty cube. I'm not offended, but find it rather amusing. What did he think I was doing? Licking the chair?
4. A parent refused to bring her child to my daughter's birthday party, despite the fact that my daughter had been fever free for three days. THREE DAYS.
5. My husband confined the kids and me into the same bed at night. Actually, I kind of understand that one.
6. Every single one of my students is convinced they will get the swine flu, and all because I taught them on the first day of my illness. Let's not go crazy. Only about half of them are probably right.

Regardless, this mania over the swine flu is out of control. The worst part was feeling so isolated. And being at home for five straight days with two sick children. And watching the same children's shows over and over and over again. But that's another story.

Swine flu - 0 (We beat you!)
Beth - 1 (I survived)

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Insanity

I began yelling at one of my classes today, but did so in third person. As in "Mrs. Harar is losing it!" A student asked me why I was talking in third person. Besides the fact that I was impressed they even knew what third person was, I've pondered this question and have decided that the little things are getting to me. I've created a list to illustrate.

1. There are a handful of students that are incapable of staying in their seats. Yelling at them makes no difference. Instead, I've started devising ways to get them to stay in their seats. Seat belts, crazy glue, heavy bricks. The ideas get more inappropriate every day.

2. No matter how many times I've told them to take the side staircase to get to the library, one student will always head towards the main staircase and, like lemmings, the others follow. EVERY TIME.

3. I just got over a stomach virus. A student asked me if I threw up, and I said yes. He told me he'd also had a stomach virus, but all he had was diarrhea. I had to repress the vomit from returning with his fine visual image.

4. It was superhero day on Tuesday. I actually saw a male student wearing a diaper.

5. Me: Hey,kids. Today we're going to take a look at the song "Ironic" by Alanis Morissette to discuss irony. Kids: Blank faces. Me: Wait, haven't you ever heard that song? I went to her concert when I was seventeen. Kids: Mrs. Harar, you are really old.

I could go on. But I think the fact that my five year old is more mature than most of them isn't helping my sanity. Then again, she was stuffing bouncy balls in her underwear this afternoon yelling, "Mommy! I'm peeing balls!"

The sad part is, if one of my freshman had done the same thing, I wouldn't have been surprised.

Beth: 0 Because I'm referring to myself in the third person.
Jillian: 1 Because she gave me a good laugh
Students: -1 Because they are driving me insane