I began yelling at one of my classes today, but did so in third person. As in "Mrs. Harar is losing it!" A student asked me why I was talking in third person. Besides the fact that I was impressed they even knew what third person was, I've pondered this question and have decided that the little things are getting to me. I've created a list to illustrate.
1. There are a handful of students that are incapable of staying in their seats. Yelling at them makes no difference. Instead, I've started devising ways to get them to stay in their seats. Seat belts, crazy glue, heavy bricks. The ideas get more inappropriate every day.
2. No matter how many times I've told them to take the side staircase to get to the library, one student will always head towards the main staircase and, like lemmings, the others follow. EVERY TIME.
3. I just got over a stomach virus. A student asked me if I threw up, and I said yes. He told me he'd also had a stomach virus, but all he had was diarrhea. I had to repress the vomit from returning with his fine visual image.
4. It was superhero day on Tuesday. I actually saw a male student wearing a diaper.
5. Me: Hey,kids. Today we're going to take a look at the song "Ironic" by Alanis Morissette to discuss irony. Kids: Blank faces. Me: Wait, haven't you ever heard that song? I went to her concert when I was seventeen. Kids: Mrs. Harar, you are really old.
I could go on. But I think the fact that my five year old is more mature than most of them isn't helping my sanity. Then again, she was stuffing bouncy balls in her underwear this afternoon yelling, "Mommy! I'm peeing balls!"
The sad part is, if one of my freshman had done the same thing, I wouldn't have been surprised.
Beth: 0 Because I'm referring to myself in the third person.
Jillian: 1 Because she gave me a good laugh
Students: -1 Because they are driving me insane