Thursday, September 15, 2011

Why I Hate Going to the Dentist

A picture of what would happen if
the dentist had her way with me.
I hate going to the dentist. 

I probably have about fifty "watches" on my left upper distol or right aclusal distal **or my upper left right besial distal aclusal.  Each time the dental hygenist reads them aloud, a small part of my tooth self esteem dies.  I continue to try and blame things on mouth-breathing and allergies, but that only gets me so far.  I think they are catching on to my excuses and one day will just roll their eyes at me.  

The sense of guilt I feel is overwhelming whenever I am there.  I hear phrases like:

"Oh!  You've been clenching your teeth.  Why don't you purchase our $800 custom made mouth guards that make it impossible to sleep at night?"
"I see some staining on the back of your teeth.  Do you drink red wine?"  (They know I do.  I refuse to give up my favorite bad habit, so I just shrug and give them my most innocent look.) 

Invariably, they always find something wrong.  Today, through no fault of my own I might add, they informed me that one of my teeth is a darker color, which means it may be dying.  Fan-freaking-tastic.  I asked them what I would have to do, and heard a new phrase this time.

"Oh, we'd just do a root canal to fix it," she said, as if she was talking about taking me for a nice leisurely walk. 

Oh!  That's all.  Just a little minor root canal with needles and drilling.  They aren't fooling me, because I've heard ALL the horror stories.  Root canals suck no matter which way you look at them. 

For the record, I would perfer to do any of the following instead of go to the dentist:

1.  Re-take Drivers' ED - even the parallel parking portion.
2.  Sit through a day full of meetings discussing the purposes of air.
3.  Work as a paralegal again for a day, with my former, horrible, attorney boss.
4.  Spend the day picking up trash on the side of 66.
5.  Babysit the horrible girls that used to live behind my parents and made me cry when I was 14.

At least I don't have to go back for another six months.

Beth - 0
Dentist - 1

**My apologies to the dental community for misspelling these words.    


  1. My mom had a tooth die - a visible one - and she claims it's my fault too. Apparently, when I was about 6 months old, she was drinking coffee while I was in her lap and I bumped the cup so badly that she went to the dentist soon after to make sure there wasn't a crack. Anyway, so the tooth starts graying and 32 years later, after a root canal didn't work, the tooth died and had to be pulled. She had an implant put in - best decision of her life after marrying my dad and raising us girls.

    My mom also has malformed molars, mercury amalgams and hooked roots so root canals are common for her (she's had all of her upper molars done sometimes repeated and most of her lower ones too). My sister has the malformed molars and hooked roots so she's had it done several times too. Apparently, if they do it when you don't have an infection, it's not bad so ask for the pre-op pack just in case!

    I got the good teeth in the family and have very few cavities. Just went to the dentist after not going in 5 years and my teeth are healthy but stained. (Anna gets cavities easily like Chris and Emily has soft teeth)

  2. Thirty-two years later? I think there is a statute of limitation on that one.


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