|A picture of what would happen if |
the dentist had her way with me.
I probably have about fifty "watches" on my left upper distol or right aclusal distal **or my upper left right besial distal aclusal. Each time the dental hygenist reads them aloud, a small part of my tooth self esteem dies. I continue to try and blame things on mouth-breathing and allergies, but that only gets me so far. I think they are catching on to my excuses and one day will just roll their eyes at me.
The sense of guilt I feel is overwhelming whenever I am there. I hear phrases like:
"Oh! You've been clenching your teeth. Why don't you purchase our $800 custom made mouth guards that make it impossible to sleep at night?"
"I see some staining on the back of your teeth. Do you drink red wine?" (They know I do. I refuse to give up my favorite bad habit, so I just shrug and give them my most innocent look.)
Invariably, they always find something wrong. Today, through no fault of my own I might add, they informed me that one of my teeth is a darker color, which means it may be dying. Fan-freaking-tastic. I asked them what I would have to do, and heard a new phrase this time.
"Oh, we'd just do a root canal to fix it," she said, as if she was talking about taking me for a nice leisurely walk.
Oh! That's all. Just a little minor root canal with needles and drilling. They aren't fooling me, because I've heard ALL the horror stories. Root canals suck no matter which way you look at them.
For the record, I would perfer to do any of the following instead of go to the dentist:
1. Re-take Drivers' ED - even the parallel parking portion.
2. Sit through a day full of meetings discussing the purposes of air.
3. Work as a paralegal again for a day, with my former, horrible, attorney boss.
4. Spend the day picking up trash on the side of 66.
5. Babysit the horrible girls that used to live behind my parents and made me cry when I was 14.
At least I don't have to go back for another six months.
Beth - 0
Dentist - 1
**My apologies to the dental community for misspelling these words.