Friday, February 10, 2012

Spoons

Since I seem to be on a "confession" kick, I thought it might be time to share something that is of fundamental importance in my life. 

I hate spoons.

A bold statement, I know, but the fact of the matter is that I believe spoons to be the black sheep of the utensil family.  It isn't the size or shape of the spoon, but more what one can do WITH and TO the spoon that really bothers me.  (OK, gutter minds, keep it clean)

Beth Proudly Presents:  Things I Hate Involving Spoons

1.  I generally dislike the consistency of things eaten with a spoon.  These include, but are not limited to: yogurt, pudding, tapioca, and cottage cheese.

2.  People know how to put food on a spoon, but don't really understand the importance of taking it OFF the spoon.  They put the spoon with the undesirable substance in their mouths, and when they remove it, half of it still remains.  Ick.  Ug.  Yuck.

3.  There is a larger surface area on a spoon where mouth germs can remain, as opposed to normal utensils like a fork or knife. 

4.  In keeping with #3, if someone else were to use my spoon, their icky germs and half-eaten food remains on my spoon.  There is only one solution, and that is to get a new spoon.

5.  I don't like watching people eat with a spoon.  It is just gross.

For years, I kept my spoon feelings quiet, secretly getting a new spoon if my dad or mom were to use mine.  In general, I avoided spoons entirely, choosing to eat ice cream with a fork if possible.  I ate soup very carefully.  I stared at the ceiling when people around me were eating yogurt. 

As I write this, I realize how very weird I am. 

Regardless, I finally "came out of the spoon closet" and admitted my extreme dislike for the harmless looking utensil.  To my surprise, after making fun of me for a while, my family and friends were very understanding.  They don't even ask to share spoons with me now, and just smile knowingly when I leave the room when ice cream is served. 

Except, of course, that incident at Awful Arthur's in The Outer Banks when my friends played a prank on me.  But we will not speak of it here.

The moral of this story is:  It's nice to have understanding people surround you when you have spoon issues. 

Beth - 1
Spoons - 0
Family and Friends - 1

2 comments:

  1. Beth, I understand exactly how you feel! For me there is nothing worse than watching or hearing someone eat yogurt. Even the phrase "spooning up yogurt" makes me queasy. I hate it when someone licks it off the spoon and makes exaggerated sounds of enjoyment. There was a series of Yoplait commercials a few years back that seriously gave me the willies. "This yogurt is new-shoes good!" "No it's first-kiss good!" all while languorously spooning and licking. Gack! I also came across this link: http://en.allexperts.com/q/Phobias-3097/f/Unable-tolerate-chewing-smacking.htm Scores of people whose reactions to eating sounds are more general and more extreme than mine...made me feel a little better.

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  2. It is good to know I'm not alone Anonymous! Ever since I posted this, my friends at work have tried hard to eat their yogurt when I'm not around. :)

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