Wednesday, December 9, 2015

Loving the Body We Have With Fabulous Guest . . . . . Destiny Allison!

I'm so excited to welcome Destiny Allison!  Her latest book, The Romance Diet: Body Image and the Wars We Wage on Ourselves, releases next month and, as someone who is always looking for a way to be healthy and happy while still enjoying their wine at night, I'm really looking forward to reading it!  

But enough talk.  Let's hear what she has to say about loving the body we have (which as we all know is not always easy to do). 

Loving the Body We Have Means Having Empathy for Ourselves and Those We Love

Thanks for having me on your blog today, Beth. I enjoy your posts and appreciate your honesty. It takes a lot of courage to share the trials and tribulations of your personal life with an audience who might not always be kind.

I also like your Tell It Like It Is posts. Hmm. 4 items. Right.

When we spoke, you said you were interested in my thoughts on the psychology behind weight gain (and loss), loving your body, and how to lose weight with your hubby and love doing it. I think they’re all tied together. Our bodies mirror the way we feel about ourselves and the stress in our lives. When we’re happy, engaged, and taking care of ourselves, we don’t tend to gain (or worry about) weight. When we’re stressed and unhappy, we tend to blame ourselves for what ails us. That, in turn, contributes to weight gain. 

Weight can be armor against the onslaught of the world and, as we all know, food comforts. Unfortunately, relying on the comfort and protection over-eating affords reinforces the doubt we have about ourselves. When we try to do something about it and our husbands (who are sometimes also overweight) tell us we’re beautiful or complain about changes in the menu, it becomes really difficult to make the changes we seek.

In my new book, The Romance Diet: Body Image and the Wars We Wage on Ourselves, I chronicle the year it took for my husband and I to lose a significant amount of weight. Together, we dropped 120 pounds. We didn’t diet and continued to enjoy our wine at night. Losing weight was the easy part and we had a blast doing it. What we didn’t know, and what we discovered on our journey, were all the ways we’d been unhappy in our lives and marriage. Working through those issues proved the real challenge.

As we delved deeper into them, we learned a lot about ourselves and each other. We thought communication had never been a problem between us. It was. We thought we were both pretty enlightened and equality was important to both of us. Again, we were wrong. Little things, things we both blew off because they were so small, reared giant, ugly heads as the pounds rolled off.

What we came to understand was that our cultural expectations have changed dramatically in the last few decades, but our cultural behaviors haven’t. We’re all trying to figure out who we are and how we’re supposed to be, but many of us don’t have the skills necessary. Men are men. Women are women. We can be equal under the law, equal in our professional pursuits, equal in all the ways except how we relate to each other.

If I’m going to “tell it like it is,” I have to say that men and women are struggling with identity issues that make weight gain easy. Men are in a box. Women are supposed to be everything all at once. When we learn empathy for ourselves and the one’s we love, we move a step closer to having the bodies we want. We might not ever be “perfect” but we won’t need to be. Instead, we’ll have loving, engaged relationships that empower us and the ones we love.

Thank you Destiny!

The husband and I are sure to read this when it releases in January, and I hope you, lovely readers, will also pre-order a copy!

Destiny Allison is an award winning sculptor and author. The Romance Diet: Body Image and the Wars We Wage On Ourselves, is her fourth book and due for release in January 2016. Other books include Shaping Destiny: A quest for meaning in art and life, and two novelsPipe Dreams and Bitterroot. She currently lives in Santa Fe, New Mexico with her loving husband and rambunctious dogs. Find out more about Destiny Allison on her blog

About the Book:
The Romance Diet: Body Image and the Wars We Wage On Ourselves by Destiny Allison
Sunstone Press (January 18, 2016)

Brave, raw, and unflinchingly honest, this book is a weight loss journey, a love story, a heart beating loudly on the page. Every day we battle against something–injustice, our spouses, our weight. Seldom do we acknowledge the real wars we wage. Repressing feelings and silencing our voices, we suffer under the surface, attributing emotional distress and unwanted pounds to the inescapable effects of hormones or age.

But weight gain, anxiety, and marital difficulties aren’t always so easy to explain.
In her poignant and touching memoir, Allison doesn’t offer recipes, exercise tips, or advice. Instead, she shows us how to stand up, express what we want, and develop empathy for ourselves and the people we love. In doing so, she provides invaluable insight for those seeking to lose weight, save a marriage, or make a significant life change.

Twitter: @SFSculptor

Tuesday, December 8, 2015

Tell It Like It Is Tuesday . . . the Facebook Passive-Aggressive

On Today's Tell It Like It Is Tuesday. . . . . 

People who air their personal relationship problems on Facebook

I appreciate that you have relationship problems.  Trust me, we all do.  But posting seemingly anonymous messages on Facebook which are clearly directed at someone in your close, personal circle of family and friends isn't fooling anyone.

Hate to break it to you, but I'm pretty sure that person knows you are referring to them.

Also, that makes you very passive aggressive, which I can appreciate because I, too, like to be passive aggressive through blog posts like this one.  But at least I only have 44 followers, so the likelihood that you are reading this is slim to none.

Here's to you, passive aggressive Facebook poster!